Please help.
Oct. 2nd, 2012 11:17 am
http://www.giveforward.com/caninecataractsurgery#
Please click on the link to help us raise the funds for cataract surgery for our furry loved one. His eyesight has been deteriorating due to the onset of diabetes and while he's doing well his eyesight is slowly slipping away from him. For such an active breed it's heartbreaking to see him this way so we're trying to do what we can in order to raise the money for his surgery. If you can't donate if you could maybe share the link with friends it would be much appreciated. Thank you all. Much love to all of you furry pals and I hope this finds them happy and well.
Livejournal Help
Jul. 1st, 2012 12:47 pmDo you wish your fanfic was organized? Do you want a master list but aren't sure how to make it? Have you been posting all your fanfic on communities and would like it transferred to your livejournal? Do you wish all your livejournal entries were tagged to make things easier to locate? Are you lacking time or skills to do these things? Then this entry is for you.
( Come inside... )
( Come inside... )
The last couple of weeks have been a lot of bars and good times. I've made friends and now that time is ticking down to my last days I'm sad. I have so many people here that have made this trip amazingly memorable for me. From the go-go boys, to the people I've met in the bars, Scorp, the bartenders at the bars, and Michael. Michael has been there in those times of my insanity. It's nice to know he's there whenever I need him even though he's not physically here.
I finally feel like I'm in a place where I belong. I've never had that before. I'm so thankful for being able to have that experience. Going home is basically committing suicide to my social life, but so many things are beyond me at this point.
This week has been great. Scorp and I went to Charlie's Monday night and ended up seeing a booty shaking contest. Also got to see Barbra Seville. Ironically also ran into my favorite queen in Phoenix that night. Tuesday night we went to The Rock and watched an amateur drag show. So much fun. I adore drag queens. Wednesday night we went to Ice Pics. I ended up losing count of how many jello shots I had, Scorp and I played pool. Had an awesome time watching Cameron who sat on the pool table every time we turned around. He's adorable and totally reminds me of Justin from QAF. Such a fun night.
Last night Scorp and I went to Ice Pics. I wore a dress, yeah I know right, and two seconds before I went to walk out the door I realized I started my period. Seriously fuck my life. I ended up spending half the night with a very inebriated Scorp, which was amusing. Also got to see Justin and Jeff. At some point last night I ended up in her lap. Don't remember what she said, but I just couldn't resist fucking with her lol. She also conveniently explained to Dylan how I don't like boys in my lap. He'd been talking about wanting to give me a lap dance. So instead we end up going back to the lap dance area and I crawled in his lap instead. So much fun. Seriously trumps boys crawling in my lap. Most of the boys know by now that I just want to tip them. I don't wanna touch their underwear or have them in my lap. It's a nice little understanding.
Tonight we're going back to Ice Pics. Dunno what the night will hold, but I know whatever it is it's probably not going to be anything like I imagine because it never is.
I finally feel like I'm in a place where I belong. I've never had that before. I'm so thankful for being able to have that experience. Going home is basically committing suicide to my social life, but so many things are beyond me at this point.
This week has been great. Scorp and I went to Charlie's Monday night and ended up seeing a booty shaking contest. Also got to see Barbra Seville. Ironically also ran into my favorite queen in Phoenix that night. Tuesday night we went to The Rock and watched an amateur drag show. So much fun. I adore drag queens. Wednesday night we went to Ice Pics. I ended up losing count of how many jello shots I had, Scorp and I played pool. Had an awesome time watching Cameron who sat on the pool table every time we turned around. He's adorable and totally reminds me of Justin from QAF. Such a fun night.
Last night Scorp and I went to Ice Pics. I wore a dress, yeah I know right, and two seconds before I went to walk out the door I realized I started my period. Seriously fuck my life. I ended up spending half the night with a very inebriated Scorp, which was amusing. Also got to see Justin and Jeff. At some point last night I ended up in her lap. Don't remember what she said, but I just couldn't resist fucking with her lol. She also conveniently explained to Dylan how I don't like boys in my lap. He'd been talking about wanting to give me a lap dance. So instead we end up going back to the lap dance area and I crawled in his lap instead. So much fun. Seriously trumps boys crawling in my lap. Most of the boys know by now that I just want to tip them. I don't wanna touch their underwear or have them in my lap. It's a nice little understanding.
Tonight we're going back to Ice Pics. Dunno what the night will hold, but I know whatever it is it's probably not going to be anything like I imagine because it never is.
Rough Month
Mar. 15th, 2012 12:27 pmLast time I wrote was a month ago. Since then everything got turned upside down. February 16th my mom called because she thought Jack had broke one of his back legs and they took him to the vet. Vet said he had heart disease and a blood clot went from his heart to where blood entered his legs and paralyzed him. They put him on blood thinners and said if they could get it busted up he'd probably be okay, but would have to be on medication for the rest of his life. Mom called when she got home and let me know all this and that the vet would call her in an hour before she left to update her on how he was doing. I was already crying by this point. Got off the phone with her and less than 15 minutes later the phone rang and I knew. I just fucking knew. Vet called her, said she'd been working on him for ten minutes and wanted to know when she should stop trying. He'd gone into cardiac arrest. He would've been six in July. I spent that night bawling to the point I gave myself a migraine and damn near made myself sick. I decided that night I wanted to do something I've never truly done in my life, get drunk.

RIP my sweet boy. This was taken shortly before I left for Arizona.
On the 17th I went to Ice Pics Video Bar. Nice little place and they played Adam's video for Better Than I Know Myself so I was very amused. The strippers were entertaining and I ended up having more to drink than I realized. My step dad ended up paying one of the boys to give me a private lap dance. That totally didn't work. So he ended up just sitting in my lap and we talked for a little while. IN the process I discovered aside from stripping he also used to be a drag queen. By the end of the night I got up to tip him one more time and the world was spinning. First time in my life I've ever been drunk. I don't ever drink to get drunk and after that night I learned I don't wanna do that again. Not at all. Couple of drinks and I'm good.
I'm trying to think of what happened the next couple of weeks but it's all really a blur of crying at the drop of a hat.
The next thing I can consciously remember is February 26th. Whatever awards show was on that night and I went to Apollos. They were having a viewing party and I was there for the latter part of it. That was a weird night. Had a little guy walk past me, glance at me on the way to the bathroom, once he gets to the bathroom door he looks back at me again and comes over. Apologized for staring but told me how beautiful I was. This is they point where I should say he was a lil gay guy. Why is it the gay guys are the ones that compliment me? So that was odd, then a lil while later same guy went to the bathroom and came out with a guy behind him and he stops the guy right in front of me to say how beautiful I was and didn't the other guy think so. It was just strange. I didn't think the night could get stranger. I should know by now that's never the case. After the awards were over I moved from my perch near the bar over to one of the table on the other side of the room. After I got settled one of the bartenders came over and started setting up the stage for the strippers. After he finished he plopped down on one of the bar stools beside me and smirked. He asked me if I'd noticed the guys in the beanie. I vaguely knew he was talking about, he'd been sitting at the bar and I had my back turned to it. Apparently the guy had been trying to give the bartender his number to give to me all night. Bartender, bless him, told the guy I was waiting on my boyfriend. I thanked him and gave him a hug. It's amusing to me that even the bartenders know I'd rather be left alone. So yeah, my last jaw dropping moment of the night was when BabyDai was announced for his first number. Adam's For Your Entertainment started and I flipped. He didn't tell me he was doing it or I would've recorded it, but holy fuck. He was wearing a leather jacket and came out with a cane and everything. Came up and sang the lyrics at me. It was just awesome. I later cussed him because he didn't tell me he was going to do it. He said he wanted it to be a surprise and he'd done it for me. Thought that was sweet.
And if you haven't already noticed I really only have anything interesting to note on the weekends for the most part. On the 4th, we (step dad, his mistress ((yeah it's complicated,)) and I went to Apollos for the drag show and the strippers. Khloe V Monroe was part of the drag show... that is one gorgeous queen. If I didn't know better I'd swear that was a girl and I've seen her in and out of drag. Even as a guy he has a woman's eyes. Gorgeous. I also remember one of them did a couple of Kelly Clarkson songs which made me laugh. Don't really have much recollection of the strip show that night at all other than the scary leather daddy guy I'd never seen before.
And now finally we get to the good part. This weekend was awesome and a pain at the same time. Saturday Scorp came here for the weekend. I'd bought us tickets to meet Kenya Michaels from RuPaul's Drag Race and she decided we'd make a weekend of it. So we did. First thing though in her flaily hugging she caught my toenail with her boot and ripped it up. Only place it was still attached was the top. Luckily for whatever reason I carry band-aids in my tiny purse and just strapped the nail back to my toe and went on about our day. We went to a hotel and sat and caught up for a bit. Was completely awesome. I always forget how much I miss her until we're in the same room together.
Then we decided to go to Ice Pics. By this point alcohol was sounding nice. So we settled on one of the couches in the corner. They line the walls. I had a couple of drinks and we watched the boys walk around half naked and talked about fic and a bazillion other things. At one point Scorp had went to the bathroom and one of the dancers I'd never seen before walked by and thought I was alone so he told me he'd be right back. By the time he got back Scorp was with me and he was like oh you're not alone and then proceeded to hug us and flail because we were women and we smelled good. Keep in mind most of the guys who work at Ice Pics are gay including Michael who is the one who's flailing over women being there. Anyway, after he wandered off we got on the discussion of looking for other places with strippers and I saw Dai and waved him over to ask if he knew of anywhere. He no sooner got in front of me when Adam's WWFM vid started playing and I was flailing at Scorp and the next thing I know Dai is in my lap writhing around and mouthing along with the lyrics while Scorp is cackling. They both know how I feel about lapdances. Dai is a lil brat and does it just because he knows it's awkward to me. So now I can't here WWFM without my thoughts migrating further into dirty land. Anyway, same thing happened when I went to tip the bartender. He's a presh lil guy. Reminds me so much of Justin from QAF. I proceeded to remind him being in my lap wasn't necessary.
Later in the night once the boys finished up the go-go dancing part of the night Michael came back over to us to say goodbye. And in the process I somehow got my first jello shot via plunger syringe type thing. Never had a jello shot that way before. Didn't even have the chance to protest before there was jello in my mouth. Michael is kinda like the energizer bunny on crack.
We ended up staying for the drag show at 10pm to make sure we were nice and sober. It was weird. There was a bachelorette party there. I've never seen a bachlorette party in a gay bar. The drag show was fun though. After it was done Scorp and I went to Jenny's (s'what they refer to this Denny's as, it's in an area with a lot of gay bars) and had a late dinner. It was after one when we finally hauled our asses back to the hotel.
So Friday I started getting a sore type place in my nose. I note that because the next pictures I'm going to post from the Sexiest Bartender Competition definitely don't look like me. My face is swollen. Anyway, Sunday morning we got up and got ready and hung out listening to Adam until about 1pm when we left the hotel to go to competition. Doors opened at two. We went and had Subway and then headed to Apollos. The day as a whole was long, but very entertaining. Got to catch up with a couple of guys we met at the Raja show last year along with a lot of other people that I've got to know since I've been here. I think the best part was probably watching all the people's reaction to Scorp and I. We'd get these looks and she and I would laugh because we knew they were trying to work out if we were together or not... and then if they thought they were they were trying to figure out how the relationship worked. Led to lots of amusement as out plastered lil dancer friend Michael was going on about how he usually didn't like lesbians, but Scorp and I were awesome. It was hysterical. And here's a few pics. Also going to attempt to post vids.

This is Cameron. He reminds me of Justin from QAF.

This is Michael.



Vids from the competition: Includes Kenya/Cameron's lapdance in two parts/Cameron's second performance with Fenix which involved them making out. You'll wanna turn down the volume if you watch. My camera isn't great with music audio.
Totally a fun time. After that since the competition ran into the normal Sunday night events at Apollos Scorp and I decided to try out Club 24 as they also boasted male strippers. We went over there... sat long enough to have a drink and left. It was a real shithole in my opinion. Think dark seedy gay bar. After that we went to The Pita Jungle (I'd never even heard of it) and had a late dinner. I was really amused. Very nice little place. Food was good and I chatted to Scorp about some stuff that's been bugging me. I love her... she always manages to make me realize things I wouldn't have thought of. Now I know why I'm so intrigued by Dai. Personality-wise he comes off a lot like Tommy. And personality-wise Tommy and I are similar. It's unusual for me to come across someone who is snarky and honest. I'm very interested in that.
Bonus lil vid of Dai dancing from February 5th.
After that we headed back to the hotel and spent the next lil bit catching up on Adam news for the day and going nuts on facebook. I finally crashed but ended up waking up a couple hours later because my face was throbbing. It was a rough morning from there. Kept waking up and using a cold bottle of water to numb my face. After Scorp and I got up and moving it was a lil better, but ugh. All in all though it was an amazing weekend and when she dropped me off it was all bah because this weekend I'm not going to have her around to hang out with.
Tuesday I finally consented to go to the hospital. I'm going to post a pic from Tuesday night and one from yesterday. They gave me two antibiotics. Said I had facial cellulitis.
Granted it's a lil better today. I've been sitting here writing this entry for far too long though. Apologize for any spelling/wording errors as I'm not looking back over it before posting. Also a heads up I wrote some fic last week. We'll see as to whether it ever sees the light of day or not.

RIP my sweet boy. This was taken shortly before I left for Arizona.
On the 17th I went to Ice Pics Video Bar. Nice little place and they played Adam's video for Better Than I Know Myself so I was very amused. The strippers were entertaining and I ended up having more to drink than I realized. My step dad ended up paying one of the boys to give me a private lap dance. That totally didn't work. So he ended up just sitting in my lap and we talked for a little while. IN the process I discovered aside from stripping he also used to be a drag queen. By the end of the night I got up to tip him one more time and the world was spinning. First time in my life I've ever been drunk. I don't ever drink to get drunk and after that night I learned I don't wanna do that again. Not at all. Couple of drinks and I'm good.
I'm trying to think of what happened the next couple of weeks but it's all really a blur of crying at the drop of a hat.
The next thing I can consciously remember is February 26th. Whatever awards show was on that night and I went to Apollos. They were having a viewing party and I was there for the latter part of it. That was a weird night. Had a little guy walk past me, glance at me on the way to the bathroom, once he gets to the bathroom door he looks back at me again and comes over. Apologized for staring but told me how beautiful I was. This is they point where I should say he was a lil gay guy. Why is it the gay guys are the ones that compliment me? So that was odd, then a lil while later same guy went to the bathroom and came out with a guy behind him and he stops the guy right in front of me to say how beautiful I was and didn't the other guy think so. It was just strange. I didn't think the night could get stranger. I should know by now that's never the case. After the awards were over I moved from my perch near the bar over to one of the table on the other side of the room. After I got settled one of the bartenders came over and started setting up the stage for the strippers. After he finished he plopped down on one of the bar stools beside me and smirked. He asked me if I'd noticed the guys in the beanie. I vaguely knew he was talking about, he'd been sitting at the bar and I had my back turned to it. Apparently the guy had been trying to give the bartender his number to give to me all night. Bartender, bless him, told the guy I was waiting on my boyfriend. I thanked him and gave him a hug. It's amusing to me that even the bartenders know I'd rather be left alone. So yeah, my last jaw dropping moment of the night was when BabyDai was announced for his first number. Adam's For Your Entertainment started and I flipped. He didn't tell me he was doing it or I would've recorded it, but holy fuck. He was wearing a leather jacket and came out with a cane and everything. Came up and sang the lyrics at me. It was just awesome. I later cussed him because he didn't tell me he was going to do it. He said he wanted it to be a surprise and he'd done it for me. Thought that was sweet.
And if you haven't already noticed I really only have anything interesting to note on the weekends for the most part. On the 4th, we (step dad, his mistress ((yeah it's complicated,)) and I went to Apollos for the drag show and the strippers. Khloe V Monroe was part of the drag show... that is one gorgeous queen. If I didn't know better I'd swear that was a girl and I've seen her in and out of drag. Even as a guy he has a woman's eyes. Gorgeous. I also remember one of them did a couple of Kelly Clarkson songs which made me laugh. Don't really have much recollection of the strip show that night at all other than the scary leather daddy guy I'd never seen before.
And now finally we get to the good part. This weekend was awesome and a pain at the same time. Saturday Scorp came here for the weekend. I'd bought us tickets to meet Kenya Michaels from RuPaul's Drag Race and she decided we'd make a weekend of it. So we did. First thing though in her flaily hugging she caught my toenail with her boot and ripped it up. Only place it was still attached was the top. Luckily for whatever reason I carry band-aids in my tiny purse and just strapped the nail back to my toe and went on about our day. We went to a hotel and sat and caught up for a bit. Was completely awesome. I always forget how much I miss her until we're in the same room together.
Then we decided to go to Ice Pics. By this point alcohol was sounding nice. So we settled on one of the couches in the corner. They line the walls. I had a couple of drinks and we watched the boys walk around half naked and talked about fic and a bazillion other things. At one point Scorp had went to the bathroom and one of the dancers I'd never seen before walked by and thought I was alone so he told me he'd be right back. By the time he got back Scorp was with me and he was like oh you're not alone and then proceeded to hug us and flail because we were women and we smelled good. Keep in mind most of the guys who work at Ice Pics are gay including Michael who is the one who's flailing over women being there. Anyway, after he wandered off we got on the discussion of looking for other places with strippers and I saw Dai and waved him over to ask if he knew of anywhere. He no sooner got in front of me when Adam's WWFM vid started playing and I was flailing at Scorp and the next thing I know Dai is in my lap writhing around and mouthing along with the lyrics while Scorp is cackling. They both know how I feel about lapdances. Dai is a lil brat and does it just because he knows it's awkward to me. So now I can't here WWFM without my thoughts migrating further into dirty land. Anyway, same thing happened when I went to tip the bartender. He's a presh lil guy. Reminds me so much of Justin from QAF. I proceeded to remind him being in my lap wasn't necessary.
Later in the night once the boys finished up the go-go dancing part of the night Michael came back over to us to say goodbye. And in the process I somehow got my first jello shot via plunger syringe type thing. Never had a jello shot that way before. Didn't even have the chance to protest before there was jello in my mouth. Michael is kinda like the energizer bunny on crack.
We ended up staying for the drag show at 10pm to make sure we were nice and sober. It was weird. There was a bachelorette party there. I've never seen a bachlorette party in a gay bar. The drag show was fun though. After it was done Scorp and I went to Jenny's (s'what they refer to this Denny's as, it's in an area with a lot of gay bars) and had a late dinner. It was after one when we finally hauled our asses back to the hotel.
So Friday I started getting a sore type place in my nose. I note that because the next pictures I'm going to post from the Sexiest Bartender Competition definitely don't look like me. My face is swollen. Anyway, Sunday morning we got up and got ready and hung out listening to Adam until about 1pm when we left the hotel to go to competition. Doors opened at two. We went and had Subway and then headed to Apollos. The day as a whole was long, but very entertaining. Got to catch up with a couple of guys we met at the Raja show last year along with a lot of other people that I've got to know since I've been here. I think the best part was probably watching all the people's reaction to Scorp and I. We'd get these looks and she and I would laugh because we knew they were trying to work out if we were together or not... and then if they thought they were they were trying to figure out how the relationship worked. Led to lots of amusement as out plastered lil dancer friend Michael was going on about how he usually didn't like lesbians, but Scorp and I were awesome. It was hysterical. And here's a few pics. Also going to attempt to post vids.

This is Cameron. He reminds me of Justin from QAF.

This is Michael.
When the competition was nearly over they finally announced when the M&G with Kenya would start. Lemme say by then it was about 8ish in the evening. I was tired and my face felt even worse. Kenya though was an absolute doll. First thing she said was come here and give me a hug. Totally a sweetheart and she seemed surprised I'd had photos printed for her to sign. She ended up telling me a little about the pic which was really cool. Signed them for me and just really very friendly and so down to earth... and did I mention tiny? OMG 5' without heels, just a hair taller than me in them. Looks a lot less awkward than my pic with Raja last year. More pics.




Vids from the competition: Includes Kenya/Cameron's lapdance in two parts/Cameron's second performance with Fenix which involved them making out. You'll wanna turn down the volume if you watch. My camera isn't great with music audio.
Totally a fun time. After that since the competition ran into the normal Sunday night events at Apollos Scorp and I decided to try out Club 24 as they also boasted male strippers. We went over there... sat long enough to have a drink and left. It was a real shithole in my opinion. Think dark seedy gay bar. After that we went to The Pita Jungle (I'd never even heard of it) and had a late dinner. I was really amused. Very nice little place. Food was good and I chatted to Scorp about some stuff that's been bugging me. I love her... she always manages to make me realize things I wouldn't have thought of. Now I know why I'm so intrigued by Dai. Personality-wise he comes off a lot like Tommy. And personality-wise Tommy and I are similar. It's unusual for me to come across someone who is snarky and honest. I'm very interested in that.
Bonus lil vid of Dai dancing from February 5th.
After that we headed back to the hotel and spent the next lil bit catching up on Adam news for the day and going nuts on facebook. I finally crashed but ended up waking up a couple hours later because my face was throbbing. It was a rough morning from there. Kept waking up and using a cold bottle of water to numb my face. After Scorp and I got up and moving it was a lil better, but ugh. All in all though it was an amazing weekend and when she dropped me off it was all bah because this weekend I'm not going to have her around to hang out with.
Tuesday I finally consented to go to the hospital. I'm going to post a pic from Tuesday night and one from yesterday. They gave me two antibiotics. Said I had facial cellulitis.
Granted it's a lil better today. I've been sitting here writing this entry for far too long though. Apologize for any spelling/wording errors as I'm not looking back over it before posting. Also a heads up I wrote some fic last week. We'll see as to whether it ever sees the light of day or not.
I honestly meant to write in this thing more often while I was here, but I fail. So now I get to recap a few things publicly and do a whole other entry privately because there are a lot of emotions and things I don't really want to share in public forum.
Anyway, lets start with February 2nd.
technicolornina and I went to see The Goo Goo Dolls. I was a huge fan of Dizzy up the Girl. I had it on cassette tape and listened to it over and over again for a long time. Seeing them live was a really interesting experience. I hadn't heart any of their full albums since Dizzy up the Girl, but knew some of the songs that had gotten airplay on the radio. Honestly though I think the ones I liked the best live were Iris, Black Balloon, Name, and possibly Let Love In (pretty sure that's the name of it.) The concert was part of a golf tournament thing or something so I'm not sure exactly how many Goo fans were there as opposed to people who had VIP tickets for the event and just happened to be there. I just know it didn't really hold a candle to the crazy that and Adam Lambert show is. We got there again at like 6:30 and still ended up just a few feet from the stage and it was GA. I have pics and vids from the show, but honestly, I'm too lazy to mess with upping the pics.
February 4th my step aunt and I went to the dog park. While we were there one of the ladies said they were having a fruit/vegetable market and gave us vague direction to get there. We brought the dogs home and then all of us piled in and headed to find it. Turned out to be kind of a bust, but on the bright side afterward we went to The Old Spaghetti Factory and had lunch. I had veggie lasagna and it was fantastic. Last Saturday made a month of no meat for me. Last year I gave up soda, so I wanted to give myself another challenge this year. Ironically giving up meat has caused me to eat more, but I've lost two pounds. Not complaining. After that we heard about a Chocolate Fair on the radio and went looking for it. It ended up being WAY too crowded so we brought Peter and Sandy home and I went with my step aunt to the supermarket. It was nice getting out in the sunshine and just enjoying the day in a city that is so unfamiliar.
Super Bowl Sunday... I'm not a football fan I should probably say first. Went to Apollos Sunday night and they were still showing it when we got there so I know who won, other than that eh, I don't care. ShowGirlz was that Sunday and they were doing a tribute to Madonna... honestly I'm not a big Madonna fan at all so I could've skipped it but Sandy wanted to see it. I'm kinda glad I was there now though. I always forget how much I like Coco until I watch her. The show was decent even tho Madonna does nothing for me. After the show I got my picture taken with the 'girls' and sat back down to wait for the strippers. Peter and Sandy went outside to smoke and I was sitting at our table with a girl that had come to watch the drag show as part of a research thing for school. Didn't ask what about. Was sitting there kinda awkwardly talking to her when someone come up behind me and brushed my side. I thought it was my step dad because they hadn't came back in yet and when I turned around I discovered it was one of the stripper and his lips were on my eyelid. He'd come over to say hello. After that everyone came back in and got settled and we watched the guys. At one point I held out a tip for Baby Dai (I have this thing with touching them. I think it's rude unless they initiate it. I'd much rather hand them a tip than have to put it in their underwear.) and instead of taking it with his hand he bent down to grab it with his teeth and caught my finger in the process. When he realized it he quickly let go and moved further over to grab it between his teeth. Then during his second dance he came out with his underwear on inside out which cracked me up.
This is the part where I say most of the rest of the week I only really have a vague memory of. I'm not even sure what happened until Saturday the 11th. Again this is why I should update more often. Saturday everyone decided they were going to go to a gem show in Tucson and I decided to stay home. Before they left I had them look at a place on my head because it had started bothering me and they couldn't see anything. They previous couple of nights I'd woke up in the middle of the night and sat up for a couple hours because it hurt so bad I couldn't go back to sleep. This has become a trend I should add. Minus Saturday because I had the house to myself and I don't like being up in the middle of the night when I'm alone. So yeah Saturday I spent a lot of time online reading. I also watched Prom which was VERY cute. First time I'd sat through a movie by myself and stayed awake in a long while.
Sunday the 12th was of course Apollos night. They had drag queens and for the first time kings there performing. Can I just tell you how fucking interesting it was to see a chick dressed up as a man. Totally fucking awesome. One of the drag kings actually performed her song live which was kind of amazing. Had pipes! After the drag show finished one of the drag kings came over and was trying to hook me up with her guy friend. I had to laugh when Baby Dai came over to say hello. Only straight guy I've met since I've been going there and the adorable gay stripper comes up to say hello. Left straight boy looking confused. He continued to try to make conversation with me until the drag queen that hosts the stripper show introduced the first stripper and then he ran for the hills. Watched they guys do two dances each and then when they started go-go dancing I just waited for Baby Dai to come back out from giving someone a lap dance so I could tell him goodnight and get a pic with him. I'd wanted to get a pic with him before the show while he was still in street clothes, but because my attention was divided between straight boy and Dai when he came over I didn't get the chance. It turned out that this time I actually got a pic where my face wasn't almost level with his crotch, which was what I wanted. He had hopped up on the box nearest me to dance and I stumbled over (I hadn't had any alcohol, but the strobe lights fuck ability to function.) and crooked a finger at him. He got down and I asked if I could get a pic. I'd already gave Sandy my camera and she had to get me to turn it on so I stumbled over to her and got the thing turned on and when I turned back to Baby Dai he was taking off my purse. By this time I'm wonder why the fuck he needs to take it off in order to get a picture. Before I could ask he turns back to me and before I know what's happening this tiny lil dude has picked me up. I should probably give you a size comparison and say if you're familiar with Queer as Folk US he's built a lot like Justin. So I'm gaping that he picked me up because I know without a shadow of a doubt I weigh more than he does. I finally get my composure and Sandy takes the pic and he puts me down. I thanked him and he hugged me and then we left.
Monday I have only vague recollection of anything happening other than a phone call with Michael and purchasing a ticket to see one of the contestants for this years RuPaul's Drag Race. Pretty sure there were other things. Yesterday was Valentine's Day and the 7th anniversary of my grandpa's death so I started out my day with my mom having a meltdown on the phone and she got me crying. Ugh I hate Valentine's Day. Michael being the sweetie he is surprised me with a lil something. Was a stuffed dog in a lil car and it was filled with candy. It was adorable, and sweet. I think it's honestly the only time I've ever gotten something like that for Valentine's Day. I'm kinda the anti-Valentine's day girl, so it was a nice surprise. I am thankful to have him in my life. I called and talked to him for a bit yesterday. Spoke to my mom again after that and then spoke to Scorp.
And I think that leaves things caught up to the present.
Anyway, lets start with February 2nd.
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February 4th my step aunt and I went to the dog park. While we were there one of the ladies said they were having a fruit/vegetable market and gave us vague direction to get there. We brought the dogs home and then all of us piled in and headed to find it. Turned out to be kind of a bust, but on the bright side afterward we went to The Old Spaghetti Factory and had lunch. I had veggie lasagna and it was fantastic. Last Saturday made a month of no meat for me. Last year I gave up soda, so I wanted to give myself another challenge this year. Ironically giving up meat has caused me to eat more, but I've lost two pounds. Not complaining. After that we heard about a Chocolate Fair on the radio and went looking for it. It ended up being WAY too crowded so we brought Peter and Sandy home and I went with my step aunt to the supermarket. It was nice getting out in the sunshine and just enjoying the day in a city that is so unfamiliar.
Super Bowl Sunday... I'm not a football fan I should probably say first. Went to Apollos Sunday night and they were still showing it when we got there so I know who won, other than that eh, I don't care. ShowGirlz was that Sunday and they were doing a tribute to Madonna... honestly I'm not a big Madonna fan at all so I could've skipped it but Sandy wanted to see it. I'm kinda glad I was there now though. I always forget how much I like Coco until I watch her. The show was decent even tho Madonna does nothing for me. After the show I got my picture taken with the 'girls' and sat back down to wait for the strippers. Peter and Sandy went outside to smoke and I was sitting at our table with a girl that had come to watch the drag show as part of a research thing for school. Didn't ask what about. Was sitting there kinda awkwardly talking to her when someone come up behind me and brushed my side. I thought it was my step dad because they hadn't came back in yet and when I turned around I discovered it was one of the stripper and his lips were on my eyelid. He'd come over to say hello. After that everyone came back in and got settled and we watched the guys. At one point I held out a tip for Baby Dai (I have this thing with touching them. I think it's rude unless they initiate it. I'd much rather hand them a tip than have to put it in their underwear.) and instead of taking it with his hand he bent down to grab it with his teeth and caught my finger in the process. When he realized it he quickly let go and moved further over to grab it between his teeth. Then during his second dance he came out with his underwear on inside out which cracked me up.
This is the part where I say most of the rest of the week I only really have a vague memory of. I'm not even sure what happened until Saturday the 11th. Again this is why I should update more often. Saturday everyone decided they were going to go to a gem show in Tucson and I decided to stay home. Before they left I had them look at a place on my head because it had started bothering me and they couldn't see anything. They previous couple of nights I'd woke up in the middle of the night and sat up for a couple hours because it hurt so bad I couldn't go back to sleep. This has become a trend I should add. Minus Saturday because I had the house to myself and I don't like being up in the middle of the night when I'm alone. So yeah Saturday I spent a lot of time online reading. I also watched Prom which was VERY cute. First time I'd sat through a movie by myself and stayed awake in a long while.
Sunday the 12th was of course Apollos night. They had drag queens and for the first time kings there performing. Can I just tell you how fucking interesting it was to see a chick dressed up as a man. Totally fucking awesome. One of the drag kings actually performed her song live which was kind of amazing. Had pipes! After the drag show finished one of the drag kings came over and was trying to hook me up with her guy friend. I had to laugh when Baby Dai came over to say hello. Only straight guy I've met since I've been going there and the adorable gay stripper comes up to say hello. Left straight boy looking confused. He continued to try to make conversation with me until the drag queen that hosts the stripper show introduced the first stripper and then he ran for the hills. Watched they guys do two dances each and then when they started go-go dancing I just waited for Baby Dai to come back out from giving someone a lap dance so I could tell him goodnight and get a pic with him. I'd wanted to get a pic with him before the show while he was still in street clothes, but because my attention was divided between straight boy and Dai when he came over I didn't get the chance. It turned out that this time I actually got a pic where my face wasn't almost level with his crotch, which was what I wanted. He had hopped up on the box nearest me to dance and I stumbled over (I hadn't had any alcohol, but the strobe lights fuck ability to function.) and crooked a finger at him. He got down and I asked if I could get a pic. I'd already gave Sandy my camera and she had to get me to turn it on so I stumbled over to her and got the thing turned on and when I turned back to Baby Dai he was taking off my purse. By this time I'm wonder why the fuck he needs to take it off in order to get a picture. Before I could ask he turns back to me and before I know what's happening this tiny lil dude has picked me up. I should probably give you a size comparison and say if you're familiar with Queer as Folk US he's built a lot like Justin. So I'm gaping that he picked me up because I know without a shadow of a doubt I weigh more than he does. I finally get my composure and Sandy takes the pic and he puts me down. I thanked him and he hugged me and then we left.
Monday I have only vague recollection of anything happening other than a phone call with Michael and purchasing a ticket to see one of the contestants for this years RuPaul's Drag Race. Pretty sure there were other things. Yesterday was Valentine's Day and the 7th anniversary of my grandpa's death so I started out my day with my mom having a meltdown on the phone and she got me crying. Ugh I hate Valentine's Day. Michael being the sweetie he is surprised me with a lil something. Was a stuffed dog in a lil car and it was filled with candy. It was adorable, and sweet. I think it's honestly the only time I've ever gotten something like that for Valentine's Day. I'm kinda the anti-Valentine's day girl, so it was a nice surprise. I am thankful to have him in my life. I called and talked to him for a bit yesterday. Spoke to my mom again after that and then spoke to Scorp.
And I think that leaves things caught up to the present.
So yeah, Sunday.... just like any other Sunday since Christmas Day, I went to Apollos. It just happened to be Adam's 30th birthday and my fave stripper boy was there for the first time since the first night I went. So this is going to be a really fangirly entry to begin with and then segway into TMI about my sexlife. My apologies, but I do have pictures of a drag queen and said gorgeous stripper boy to share. The TMI will come at the end so if you're just here for the stripper info, you can hit the lil 'x' in the corner after the pics with no harm to your image of me. *snorts*
Okay anyway,
technicolornina and I made plans to meet at Apollos last week. We've been there together once before and were going to go the week Adam was on Leno, but she had to cancel because of her work schedule. She ended up working a double so we could all go to Leno. Beside the point though. At this point I'm beginning to wonder if BabyDai will ever strip at Apollos again because I'm impatient like that, and because I'm a creeper I follow him on facebook so I sent him a msg to see when he'd be at Apollos again. This was on Wednesday. Two seconds later he sent a msg back saying he'd be there Sunday and sent me his cell #. So yayyy. By this point I'm still not sure if he's one of the guys who's straight, gay, or somewhere in between. My gut instinct the first time I saw him was that he was gay, but he posted a picture of his son on facebook so I was a lil thrown.
That brings you up to speed for Sunday night. Got there just before 8pm so I could catch the start of the drag show. I love watching the drag show and bonus, Sunday night was Barbra Seville's show. I fell in love with Barbra the first time I was in Arizona when
scorpio_15 and I went to see Raja. Barbra hosts every Saturday at The Rock. I however have discovered I like the atmosphere at Apollos better. About 9pm
technicolornina came in and we finished watching the drag show together and after we got a pic with Barbra.

Then in comes a large group and they sit at the tables across from us. They turned out to be an awesome source of entertainment for the rest of the night. By this point I notice BabyDai is sitting at the back of the room messing with his cellphone. After a few minutes he gets up and as he's headed out the door beside our table
technicolornina flagged him over. He came over and hugged us and said hello. Then he looked at me and was like, 'you msged me on facebook, right?' Queue me melting into my shoes. He told us he hoped we had a good time and then went out to the trailer to get ready for the show. Now this is probably the point where I should say the reason why I was so infatuated with him to begin with was for two reasons. The first night I saw him I caught him walking in the bathroom with his shirt off and noticed a tattoo on his back. At this point I didn't even know he was one of the strippers. When he came back out I got his attention and asked to see his tattoo. He turned around and I checked it out and when he turned back around he smirked at me, his eyes got wide, and he said 'boo.' I think he was trying to startle me. He was wearing orange contacts and had scrolling lines in black along the sides of his face. If you know anything about me, makeup and contacts on boys = instant love so that was reason number one. Number two was the fact that during one of his dances he came out wearing underwear and he was wrapped in Christmas lights. He slithered and writhed and lit up the back of the bar away from the stage with his pretty and the whole time I keep trying to find the battery box for the lights. I never did see it and ever since then I have wanted to ask him where the hell he hid it. Alas, I had to wait a while to do so, because while I could've msged him on facebook to ask... I really wanted to see his reaction to the question.
Alright, yeah I just got fangirly again woops. Anyway, when the Greek Gods Review started BabyDai was the first guy to strip. Can you say happy Pyro? Out he comes looking gorgeous and after he comes of the stage he heads right to us. I'm a melting puddle of goo after he gets up in my space and gets up in my face mouthing the lyrics at me. Yeah, I'm so easy. I'm not sure if it was then or the next dance, but I told him I wanted to take him home with me (he knows I'm from NC.) He said, 'I'm not sure that would really work out.' Indicating he liked guys, and before I could stop my tongue I was like, 'no, it's be fine, I'm completely okay with that I just wanna look at you, you're pretty.' Yeah, thanks tongue. I'm actually thankful the phrase, 'no, you'd be perfect, I just wanna watch you with guys' didn't come out of my mouth. Yeah, seriously, that would be my perfect relationship. So much pretty.
So after Dai finished he went back and the next guys came out in succession. Goodness knows I don't remember the order of events from here and yes I was sober thank you. One of the guys at the table across from us was really pretty drunk and he was tiny. I mean like really tiny.
technicolornina and I spent the rest of the night observing him and we referred to him as teeny. Never did get his name. He would get up and dance with the strippers... holy shit could that lil boy move. At one point he slithered down one of the guys and mouthed at his cock. Guh it was SOOOO hot. I gave
technicolornina a dollar at one point to tip him. They also had a new lil guy stripping and he was way skinny and just not very interesting until he took off his pants. When he did I noticed a tattoo on his thigh and got out a dollar so I could lure him over and get a good look at it. It was a gorgeous koi fish. Told him as much and he looked at me and goes 'thank you, mam.' Nothing I love more than a cute guy with barely any clothes that has manners. Somewhere in all of this Panther comes out to dance and comes over to me. He knows me... several of them recognize me now. I'm wearing a dress and Panther wiggles his ass between my thighs. He looks back at me and makes a comment about how warm it is between my legs. My reply, 'it's not my fault your ass is cold.' He cracks up and goes about his business. After all seven guys do a routine they rinse and repeat. BabyDai comes out again to dance and at some point does a split and my chin is on the ground. He again comes over to us. He walks around the room for a bit after his routine and as he goes by me to get to the door he runs a hand over my knee. Again melty me. Guh, pretty. And they cycle through again and BabyDai dances one more time and basically humps the stage and then shows how limber he is.
At this point once all the guys finish they bring out boxes and set spotlights on them and the boys go-go dance and if you wanna pay they'll take you in their private cubby for a lap dance. I went over to one of the boxes and waved $10 at BabyDai and told him I had a very important question for him. He starts to go to the lap dance room, but it's occupied. I proceeded to tell him that's not what I wanted and I just wanted to ask him something. He tilts his head. I proceeded to explain the first night I saw him he was wrapped in Christmas lights and that I've been waiting to ask him about it since then, but I had to know where that battery box was. He breaks out in a huge smile and I should probably tell you my bet judging by how tiny his undies were that night was he hid it behind his balls. Well color me shocked. He explained he'd had straps wrapped around his arm and it was under one of those. I was satisfied, thanked him, and gave him the money.
Went back to the table.
technicolornina and I decided to head out but she wanted to go talk to Teeny first. I walked over to wait for her and the next thing I know Teeny, who turns out has this cute lil accent (he's hispanic), asks
technicolornina if I was with her and then he comes over and starts gushing about how he was glad we had a good time. He hugged me and danced with me a lil and finally let me go and I told him how adorable he was. Totally amusing. Then we head back over to BabyDai because I wanted a pic with him. He told me he was moving to FL, not sure when, but that will make going home SOOO much easier lol. I figured a picture with him would be a good memory, not to mention all he was wearing was a bandana by this point. I gave
technicolornina the camera and she couldn't get a good pic. I'm actually going to post a lulzy pic she took. BabyDai is almost headless, but the look on my face added to the fact my face is almost level with his waist just made for a funny pic. Then a guy comes up and offers to take a pic with both of us. Finally get a pic with him. He comes down off the box and hugs us and I thanked him and told him to have a good night.











TMI to follow, you've been warned. Spacing down so you can avoid it if you want.
Alright, so we went back to her house. This had been the plan. This was my night to experiment and see truly if my bi side was more than just theory. Well, yeah I can say without hesitation that I am definitely on the bi side of things. I was going to go into greater detail about this, but I kinda don't really want to. I will say she is much more talented with her fingers than any guy I've been with. Amazing orgasm was had. I got to try out my oral skills on her. That was an interesting new experience. So much less gross than blowjobs. My only complaint is my tongue hurts lol. We both got off on it. I came out with several new hickeys. No one in the house seems to have noticed at this point or maybe they have and just don't care. Honestly that scenario is just as likely.
Thursday she and I are going to see The Goo Goo Dolls and then we have a date Sunday, same time same place, because what happens at Apollos never happens.
Okay anyway,
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That brings you up to speed for Sunday night. Got there just before 8pm so I could catch the start of the drag show. I love watching the drag show and bonus, Sunday night was Barbra Seville's show. I fell in love with Barbra the first time I was in Arizona when
![[info]](https://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif?v=88.8)
![[info]](https://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif?v=88.8)
Then in comes a large group and they sit at the tables across from us. They turned out to be an awesome source of entertainment for the rest of the night. By this point I notice BabyDai is sitting at the back of the room messing with his cellphone. After a few minutes he gets up and as he's headed out the door beside our table
![[info]](https://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif?v=88.8)
Alright, yeah I just got fangirly again woops. Anyway, when the Greek Gods Review started BabyDai was the first guy to strip. Can you say happy Pyro? Out he comes looking gorgeous and after he comes of the stage he heads right to us. I'm a melting puddle of goo after he gets up in my space and gets up in my face mouthing the lyrics at me. Yeah, I'm so easy. I'm not sure if it was then or the next dance, but I told him I wanted to take him home with me (he knows I'm from NC.) He said, 'I'm not sure that would really work out.' Indicating he liked guys, and before I could stop my tongue I was like, 'no, it's be fine, I'm completely okay with that I just wanna look at you, you're pretty.' Yeah, thanks tongue. I'm actually thankful the phrase, 'no, you'd be perfect, I just wanna watch you with guys' didn't come out of my mouth. Yeah, seriously, that would be my perfect relationship. So much pretty.
So after Dai finished he went back and the next guys came out in succession. Goodness knows I don't remember the order of events from here and yes I was sober thank you. One of the guys at the table across from us was really pretty drunk and he was tiny. I mean like really tiny.
![[info]](https://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif?v=88.8)
![[info]](https://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif?v=88.8)
At this point once all the guys finish they bring out boxes and set spotlights on them and the boys go-go dance and if you wanna pay they'll take you in their private cubby for a lap dance. I went over to one of the boxes and waved $10 at BabyDai and told him I had a very important question for him. He starts to go to the lap dance room, but it's occupied. I proceeded to tell him that's not what I wanted and I just wanted to ask him something. He tilts his head. I proceeded to explain the first night I saw him he was wrapped in Christmas lights and that I've been waiting to ask him about it since then, but I had to know where that battery box was. He breaks out in a huge smile and I should probably tell you my bet judging by how tiny his undies were that night was he hid it behind his balls. Well color me shocked. He explained he'd had straps wrapped around his arm and it was under one of those. I was satisfied, thanked him, and gave him the money.
Went back to the table.
![[info]](https://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif?v=88.8)
![[info]](https://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif?v=88.8)
![[info]](https://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif?v=88.8)
TMI to follow, you've been warned. Spacing down so you can avoid it if you want.
Alright, so we went back to her house. This had been the plan. This was my night to experiment and see truly if my bi side was more than just theory. Well, yeah I can say without hesitation that I am definitely on the bi side of things. I was going to go into greater detail about this, but I kinda don't really want to. I will say she is much more talented with her fingers than any guy I've been with. Amazing orgasm was had. I got to try out my oral skills on her. That was an interesting new experience. So much less gross than blowjobs. My only complaint is my tongue hurts lol. We both got off on it. I came out with several new hickeys. No one in the house seems to have noticed at this point or maybe they have and just don't care. Honestly that scenario is just as likely.
Thursday she and I are going to see The Goo Goo Dolls and then we have a date Sunday, same time same place, because what happens at Apollos never happens.
Death, Strippers, and Adam, oh my...
Jan. 19th, 2012 12:27 amThis past couple of weeks... just holy shit. What is my life?
It all started Saturday, January 7th. I promise there is a point to the whole back story. Without these specific chain of events the result would've been much different.
1-7-12: I get this hair-brained idea. I'd been thinking about it, but ya know I just wasn't sure there was any point. So I call up
scorpio_15 and the conversation goes something like this. Me: Hey, so I've been thinking... if I try and get tickets to Leno, are you game? Her: Sure, go for it.
Thus the birth of a beautiful pipedream. I beautiful rainbow pipedream that ends with a rock god in front of my nose. After said conversation I requested four Leno tickets and didn't think there was a snowball's chance in hell I'd get them. *shrugs* I've always been a 'what if' kinda girl though.
1-8-12 I met up with
technicolornina at Apollos to see the strip show. It was the first time we'd gotten together after having a bit of a falling out and let's just say that I've already written about the rest of the night and it's on private, but we have an understanding now so we also had the discussion about possibly going to Leno.
The next few days were spent with much confusion in my personal life and we got the news my step dad's dad wasn't doing well.
1-13-12 Talking to
technicolornina on messenger and she says @cecycat1 has extra tickets for Leno. She tweets her and is able to get three for us. Enter mass hysteria and much freaking out on my part. I called scorpio-15 and let her know we had tickets and she proceeded to scream in my ear for the next five minutes. After phoning her I calmed down for a minute and then just needed someone I could word vomit at. Michael doesn't necessarily always understand my cray, but he does listen. I called him and proceeded to flail and then had a weird turn of events when I realized this would be the first time Adam was performing BTIKM live. I started crying... like not even... I don't ever cry when I'm happy, but I was so crying. After talking to him I called my mom and told her and ended up bawling again. Really lots of fucking tears this past couple of weeks. Anyway, so that night
technicolornina and I got together and went to the mall and hung out, and then got some dinner. We'd planned to get together Sunday at Apollos again (I'd went out and bought a skirt for the event, yes I said a skirt. Turned out to be long enough to wear as a dress.

As fate would have it, it wasn't meant to happen. @cecycat1 giving us tickets meant
technicolornina had enough warning to switch shifts at work so she ended up working a double on Sunday.
1-14-12 I'm woken up at like 5:30am by the sound of my step aunt knocking on my step dad's bedroom door telling him that their dad's blood pressure had been dropping. They spent the majority of the morning at the nursing home with him.
1-15-12 Step dad's dad passed away around noon. Mom calls me and tells me. She bawling and I'm trying to keep my act together. It's been hard for her because she never grieved her own parents so it's dredging up things for her. For me, while I grieved... I was fifteen when my grandma passed away and she was like my mom. Sunday I felt like that same helpless little girl again. Lots of tears. I was gonna go out with Peter and Sandy to Apollos to see the drag show, but I wasn't sure whether or not we'd go or not considering. I told him it was up to him, if he was up to it or not. He decided to go and I knew I wanted to drink so I did. I had three drinks which I think is a first for me. It was nice to just put everything out of my mind for a while. I also dressed up to go out... damn it's been years since I've worn a skirt. I looked like a hooker.


1-16-12 I officially have the dumbest luck ever. Got an email around noon on Monday that said my reservations for Leno tickets were confirmed. I now had four tickets. I called
scorpio_15 and let her know to call another friend who had wanted to go. Due to family drama she ended up not being able to. I tweeted I had an extra ticket and after like an hour someone finally DMed me and baboom, we now have a party of four. So I called @cecycat1 and let her know she could give her other tickets to other people. I showered at like 2:30pm, took a sleeping pill, and headed to bed in hoped of sleeping until like 11pm because I knew it was going to be a really like ride to Burbank with two drivers who'd worked all night and I wanted to be an extra set of eyes even if I am useless at the driving part. By 6pm I was already awake again and @cecycat1 called to confirm I didn't need the tickets. At 11 I got up and got my clothes on for Leno, put on my make up, and at 12:15 we left the house to meet
scorpio_15 and
technicolornina.
1-17-12 Meet
technicolornina at the Waffle House and we wait for
scorpio_15 and once she arrives we hit the road. We stopped a couple of times through the night and at one point I saw a shooting star. Was only the second one I've ever caught so I was hoping it was a good sign. I dozed a lil before 6am and then by 7:15 we were in Burbank by the studio. We got there much fast than we figured. We thought with traffic we wouldn't get there to closer to 10. Then began a long day of waiting in the cold. This is really early in the day when I was still pretty bundled up. I spent most of the rest of the day on my feet.

So we waited in line from 7:15 ish until 11am when they let us into the 'cattle pen', which I wasn't a fan of at all. It was a gated in area and we were just stuck there waiting. I don't like being closed in... not claustrophobic, but a lil overstimulated with so many people around me. I should probably add the closest bathrooms were in a park down the road. And this is the part where I'll mention I didn't go to the bathroom from like 5am until after 2pm. Didn't eat or drink at all while we were there. My stomach was upset from the lil bit of traffic we'd encountered so I didn't wanna chance being sick. Okay, back to my point. We were in the pen until 2pm. Then they herded all the 'glam cows' as
scorpio_15 kept calling us, into the last waiting area. There were bathrooms in a trailer in the parking lot, none inside and if you went during the show you had to wait until a commercial and then wait until the next to come back int. Anyway, they gave us all numbers. I was #51 in line when we were like 20 back when we arrived that morning. I'm only mentioning this because of the odd turn of events that led to. So when they finally start letting people in they stop at 50 and have me sit down at the front of the line and wait. Then a guy comes out and asks how many are in our party, the next party, and the next, 7 total. The seven of us are herded in and sent to section seven. We knew the left side of the stage was where Adam would be and we were in the section right beside the one on the left on the middle set of rows so it was only two rows and it went another tier down if that makes sense. Anyway, once we got seated, the row in front of us had three seats on the end I was sitting that were open and then four at the end that were taped over. I noticed the one closest to me said Lambert and almost ate my shoes.
A few minuted before taping in come Leila, Sauli, Neil's g/f, and Neil. They are sitting in the row in front of me and just a hair to my left. I am transfixed and distracted, but I'm a very good little Adam fan who knows it's rude to interrupt, they're there for Adam.
scorpio_15 and I had great fun dancing in our chairs to the house band music and goofing off. Seriously the happiest I've been in a long time. I kept watching Sauli though throughout the show. That boy really is beautiful. I didn't think I would be shocked by seeing him in person, but he's even prettier in person. He has an amazing smile, but I spent most of the show with an insane urge to take a picture of his neck tattoo. I've been fascinated by it since I first saw him and I'm really glad my camera was in the car. The show itself was really funny. Leno is totally a hoot. Poor Sam and his shirt. I didn't realize who he was until after we were at the show, even with having seen a picture of him on Leno's site. He's pretty. Sherri was really hilarious. Talking about praying to god to make her a hooker... I was dying. I was also amused that every time Leno announced his guests they got a mildly warm welcome until it was Adam time and then everyone went ape shit. I didn't realize how much Leno was edited until watching back Adam's performance and listening to the crowd and how they turned it down when he started singing and everyone was still clapping and screaming.
I can't say for a fact, but I'm willing to mention it because I think it's true. At times I'm almost positive Adam was singing to Sauli. Sauli had this huge smile on his face and it was really just, I can't even. Of all the things I expected, I didn't think I'd get to see Sauli watching Adam perform. Adam was beautiful, omg so beautiful, Tommy looked amazing, I noticed Ashley was on her knees, but didn't know why until later. And this is where I'm a bad fan because I honestly don't even remember seeing Isaac and I kinda glanced at Kevin, but my eyes literally just kept going from Sauli to Adam to Tommy and then back. It was amazingly awesome to be there the first time he performed Better Than I Know Myself live. It's the only time I've ever watched him live and not had a feel for what to expect based on previous youtube videos or performances. I truly feel so lucky and blessed to have had the chance to see that. I thought that would be that, but it wasn't.
After the show we went outside and waited by the exit to see if we could see the band/Adam leave. We waited for a while and I was surprised most of the fans dispersed fairly quickly. I didn't honestly expect that. By this point I was so exhausted I was pretty much dead on my feet, but it was my first time in California and I was hoping maybe Tommy would stop to take pictures... that was my hope over being there. When Isaac drove past, Tommy was in the passenger seat and he waved to us and said bye... did I mention he looked amazing? I melted into my shoes a little. Kinda hoping while I'm in AZ a Ravi and the Heartless show will pop up with enough advanced warning that I'll be able to go. I just want a picture with Tommy. I got to meet him in Charlotte, but my camera flash wouldn't cooperate.
So after a lil while longer it's my party and a cluster of Sam fans still waiting. I'm thinking Adam's already sneaked out. When a black car with dark tinted windows comes through the gate and stops I presumed it was Sam and then the window rolls down, and a little part of me dies, because there is Adam fucking Lambert in the flesh. He asked us where everyone was and
technicolornina replied they left already. He gives us a smile and says, "we'll you guys are the smart ones, aren't you." Fuck, I'm dead. So fucking dead it's not even funny. He's beautiful, and he's talking, and his voice does things to me. And yes that is my hair.

After everyone who wanted something signed finished I asked if I could show him my tattoo. He was like sure and I pulled up my sleeve and tilted my arm in the window so he could see. He said, "what does it say 'in the... *head tilt* aftermath', oh cool... I really like the colors..." Seriously by this point I am so tired and so happy and so overwhelmed that as soon as he rolls up the window and the car pulls away I looked at everyone and said just kill me now, I'll die happy. It was just... I never imagined when I got that tattoo that I would ever get a chance to show it to him. I know he will never know what that song means to me, but the pure fact I got to show it to him, I mean these things don't happen in my life. They just don't. I don't get to meet someone I admire twice in one lifetime like that. This trip was just so amazing.
On the way to the car I called my mom and let her know what had happened and as I'm talking I'm emotional and shit and fucking damn near start crying again. We went to grab some dinner and then found a hotel to crash. We were gonna stay up and watch Leno, but it didn't happen. We were all just too fucking tired. I passed out about 9:30.
1-18-12 Got up at some point in the night to go to the bathroom and when I went to get back into bed my foor cramped up. That's the one thing I really hate about being on my feet in line all day for shows. I get dehydrated, I lock up my knees, I overstimulate my senses, and then my body is all fucked up for it. Totally worth it, really not complaining, would do it again tomorrow if I could, but feet cramps suck ass. Went back to sleep and woke up at 4am and couldn't go back to sleep so I got up, got dressed, and sat on the couch in the quiet for like almost four hours. At some point I noticed the sun playing peekaboo with the curtain and I got out my camera and snapped a pic.
I gave them until 8am, breakfast ended at 9. Asked if they wanted to join me and just got grumbling so I went down and had breakfast alone. It was nice. Finally got everyone up and moving by almost 10am and we finally got out of the hotel to head back. Took some shots at the hotel and on the way home I'm gonna add in. I really loved California. I didn't get to see much on the drive in, but this morning, was the views were gorgeous. It's more like home than here in Arizona. Greener, more alive.
This is the day after Adam awesomeness hangover look that I'm sporting. Yesterday's makeup, a Tommy tee, and a smile. God it's so weird looking that this picture because I can see so much of my little brother in my face for whatever reason.




And finally I want to thank all of the people who made this trip possible and fun. From all the people who had a hand in the trip and to those in line who were awfully entertaining, but there are a few I need to thank in grammy style cheesy speech.
Mom- if not for your awesome Christmas gift of a ticket to Phoenix it would've never happened.
Michael- who even in my spazzed out not thinking state when I called him offered to help with gas money even after having to listen to my crying babble.
Ditto- (step aunt, makes it easier to distinguish since there are two Sandys in the house.)- who in brilliant thinking gave us the money for a hotel room.
Peter and Sandy- For driving me in the middle of the night to meet my girls.
technicolornina &
scorpio_15- For being amazingly awesome and being game for the insanity.
@cecycat1- because she's really the reason the whole trip was planned out before I got my own ticket notification.
I have now been writing this for over two hours. It's 12:19am and I've been awake since 5am AZ time and lost an hour in the drive so my body is still confused. I hope it all made some semblance of sense. And if you made it to the end, you have my many congrats. Holy crap I babble.
It all started Saturday, January 7th. I promise there is a point to the whole back story. Without these specific chain of events the result would've been much different.
1-7-12: I get this hair-brained idea. I'd been thinking about it, but ya know I just wasn't sure there was any point. So I call up
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Thus the birth of a beautiful pipedream. I beautiful rainbow pipedream that ends with a rock god in front of my nose. After said conversation I requested four Leno tickets and didn't think there was a snowball's chance in hell I'd get them. *shrugs* I've always been a 'what if' kinda girl though.
1-8-12 I met up with
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The next few days were spent with much confusion in my personal life and we got the news my step dad's dad wasn't doing well.
1-13-12 Talking to
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As fate would have it, it wasn't meant to happen. @cecycat1 giving us tickets meant
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1-14-12 I'm woken up at like 5:30am by the sound of my step aunt knocking on my step dad's bedroom door telling him that their dad's blood pressure had been dropping. They spent the majority of the morning at the nursing home with him.
1-15-12 Step dad's dad passed away around noon. Mom calls me and tells me. She bawling and I'm trying to keep my act together. It's been hard for her because she never grieved her own parents so it's dredging up things for her. For me, while I grieved... I was fifteen when my grandma passed away and she was like my mom. Sunday I felt like that same helpless little girl again. Lots of tears. I was gonna go out with Peter and Sandy to Apollos to see the drag show, but I wasn't sure whether or not we'd go or not considering. I told him it was up to him, if he was up to it or not. He decided to go and I knew I wanted to drink so I did. I had three drinks which I think is a first for me. It was nice to just put everything out of my mind for a while. I also dressed up to go out... damn it's been years since I've worn a skirt. I looked like a hooker.
1-16-12 I officially have the dumbest luck ever. Got an email around noon on Monday that said my reservations for Leno tickets were confirmed. I now had four tickets. I called
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1-17-12 Meet
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So we waited in line from 7:15 ish until 11am when they let us into the 'cattle pen', which I wasn't a fan of at all. It was a gated in area and we were just stuck there waiting. I don't like being closed in... not claustrophobic, but a lil overstimulated with so many people around me. I should probably add the closest bathrooms were in a park down the road. And this is the part where I'll mention I didn't go to the bathroom from like 5am until after 2pm. Didn't eat or drink at all while we were there. My stomach was upset from the lil bit of traffic we'd encountered so I didn't wanna chance being sick. Okay, back to my point. We were in the pen until 2pm. Then they herded all the 'glam cows' as
![[info]](https://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif?v=88.5)
A few minuted before taping in come Leila, Sauli, Neil's g/f, and Neil. They are sitting in the row in front of me and just a hair to my left. I am transfixed and distracted, but I'm a very good little Adam fan who knows it's rude to interrupt, they're there for Adam.
![[info]](https://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif?v=88.5)
I can't say for a fact, but I'm willing to mention it because I think it's true. At times I'm almost positive Adam was singing to Sauli. Sauli had this huge smile on his face and it was really just, I can't even. Of all the things I expected, I didn't think I'd get to see Sauli watching Adam perform. Adam was beautiful, omg so beautiful, Tommy looked amazing, I noticed Ashley was on her knees, but didn't know why until later. And this is where I'm a bad fan because I honestly don't even remember seeing Isaac and I kinda glanced at Kevin, but my eyes literally just kept going from Sauli to Adam to Tommy and then back. It was amazingly awesome to be there the first time he performed Better Than I Know Myself live. It's the only time I've ever watched him live and not had a feel for what to expect based on previous youtube videos or performances. I truly feel so lucky and blessed to have had the chance to see that. I thought that would be that, but it wasn't.
After the show we went outside and waited by the exit to see if we could see the band/Adam leave. We waited for a while and I was surprised most of the fans dispersed fairly quickly. I didn't honestly expect that. By this point I was so exhausted I was pretty much dead on my feet, but it was my first time in California and I was hoping maybe Tommy would stop to take pictures... that was my hope over being there. When Isaac drove past, Tommy was in the passenger seat and he waved to us and said bye... did I mention he looked amazing? I melted into my shoes a little. Kinda hoping while I'm in AZ a Ravi and the Heartless show will pop up with enough advanced warning that I'll be able to go. I just want a picture with Tommy. I got to meet him in Charlotte, but my camera flash wouldn't cooperate.
So after a lil while longer it's my party and a cluster of Sam fans still waiting. I'm thinking Adam's already sneaked out. When a black car with dark tinted windows comes through the gate and stops I presumed it was Sam and then the window rolls down, and a little part of me dies, because there is Adam fucking Lambert in the flesh. He asked us where everyone was and
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After everyone who wanted something signed finished I asked if I could show him my tattoo. He was like sure and I pulled up my sleeve and tilted my arm in the window so he could see. He said, "what does it say 'in the... *head tilt* aftermath', oh cool... I really like the colors..." Seriously by this point I am so tired and so happy and so overwhelmed that as soon as he rolls up the window and the car pulls away I looked at everyone and said just kill me now, I'll die happy. It was just... I never imagined when I got that tattoo that I would ever get a chance to show it to him. I know he will never know what that song means to me, but the pure fact I got to show it to him, I mean these things don't happen in my life. They just don't. I don't get to meet someone I admire twice in one lifetime like that. This trip was just so amazing.
On the way to the car I called my mom and let her know what had happened and as I'm talking I'm emotional and shit and fucking damn near start crying again. We went to grab some dinner and then found a hotel to crash. We were gonna stay up and watch Leno, but it didn't happen. We were all just too fucking tired. I passed out about 9:30.
1-18-12 Got up at some point in the night to go to the bathroom and when I went to get back into bed my foor cramped up. That's the one thing I really hate about being on my feet in line all day for shows. I get dehydrated, I lock up my knees, I overstimulate my senses, and then my body is all fucked up for it. Totally worth it, really not complaining, would do it again tomorrow if I could, but feet cramps suck ass. Went back to sleep and woke up at 4am and couldn't go back to sleep so I got up, got dressed, and sat on the couch in the quiet for like almost four hours. At some point I noticed the sun playing peekaboo with the curtain and I got out my camera and snapped a pic.
I gave them until 8am, breakfast ended at 9. Asked if they wanted to join me and just got grumbling so I went down and had breakfast alone. It was nice. Finally got everyone up and moving by almost 10am and we finally got out of the hotel to head back. Took some shots at the hotel and on the way home I'm gonna add in. I really loved California. I didn't get to see much on the drive in, but this morning, was the views were gorgeous. It's more like home than here in Arizona. Greener, more alive.
This is the day after Adam awesomeness hangover look that I'm sporting. Yesterday's makeup, a Tommy tee, and a smile. God it's so weird looking that this picture because I can see so much of my little brother in my face for whatever reason.
And finally I want to thank all of the people who made this trip possible and fun. From all the people who had a hand in the trip and to those in line who were awfully entertaining, but there are a few I need to thank in grammy style cheesy speech.
Mom- if not for your awesome Christmas gift of a ticket to Phoenix it would've never happened.
Michael- who even in my spazzed out not thinking state when I called him offered to help with gas money even after having to listen to my crying babble.
Ditto- (step aunt, makes it easier to distinguish since there are two Sandys in the house.)- who in brilliant thinking gave us the money for a hotel room.
Peter and Sandy- For driving me in the middle of the night to meet my girls.
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@cecycat1- because she's really the reason the whole trip was planned out before I got my own ticket notification.
I have now been writing this for over two hours. It's 12:19am and I've been awake since 5am AZ time and lost an hour in the drive so my body is still confused. I hope it all made some semblance of sense. And if you made it to the end, you have my many congrats. Holy crap I babble.
Christmas Day
Dec. 26th, 2011 06:42 pmYesterday I got dressed and we all went by the nursing home so Peter and his sis could see their parents. Then we went to Boca and had food. Turned out to be the only thing I ate yesterday. When we got home I laid down on the couch and fell asleep. When I woke up I grabbed a shower and started getting ready because they'd decided to have a family outing to Apollos, which turned out to be a pretty interesting gay bar. One of the drag queens that works at The Rock hosts a drag show the last Sunday of the month at Apollos and then after it they do a strip show.
We left at like 7 because the drag show was supposed to start at 8pm... got there and were told the drag show was cancelled... so until 10:30 we sat and talked and had drinks. I had one... anything more than that and I didn't trust I wouldn't do something stupid. So about an hour before the drag show this lil dude comes in and I see out of the corner of my eye he's taking his shirt off. He went into the bathroom and I noticed a badass tat on his back. We were sitting right by the bathrooms so when he came out I got his attention and asked to see the tat and he turned around. When he turned back around I was just instantly infatuated. He had a scrollwork type design on his face. He turned around, smirked, and said boo... he was wearing orange contacts. I proceeded to tell him how badass they were and then he was on his way... at this point I had a nagging feeling he was going to be one of the strippers... or every part of me wanted him to be.
I got hit on by and old lady, all up in my personal space. The girl bartender must've saw I was cold. I'd been watching her make drinks all night and next thing I know she was flagging me over pointing to a mug. She said it was for me and I asked her what it was... it was hot chocolate. I thanked her and huddled over the mud for a while. And after the strip show started... I couldn't honestly tell you the chain of events in order so I'll just tell you all the shit that happened. So we were sitting right up at the stage so all the guys generally came to our table first. One guy tried to pull Peter's sister up on stage and she wouldn't go and then the whole fucking table was pointing at me so he pulled me up on stage and sat me in his chair. Then he proceeded to stand in front of me to pull off his pants and the next thing I know he's crawled into my lap and has put my hands on him. I was mortified... he was very sweet tho. At some point one of the guys comes up and because the bar stools have rungs for your feet he climbed up in front of me and had his crotch in my face. I went to the bathroom at one point and when I came back out a lil gay guy at the bar stopped me and told me he loved my outfit and that I was hot. That did amazing things for my confidence. One of them came out wearing a cock ring and a bandana wrapped around his dick. He came over and literally flopped his junk on my leg and then when I turned away he put his ass against my side and was rubbing up on me. The little guy that I saw before the show came out for his first number and was wrapped in Christmas lights. He moved beautifully. He wasn't really handsy with people tho, but he was so my favorite. When it was over all the boys came out and were working the room. The boy I liked was dancing on a box as we left and I went over to him to give him another tip and tell him how pretty he was. When he bent down so he could hear me he kissed me on the cheek and thanked me. I think Apollos may be my new favorite place to be.
We left at like 7 because the drag show was supposed to start at 8pm... got there and were told the drag show was cancelled... so until 10:30 we sat and talked and had drinks. I had one... anything more than that and I didn't trust I wouldn't do something stupid. So about an hour before the drag show this lil dude comes in and I see out of the corner of my eye he's taking his shirt off. He went into the bathroom and I noticed a badass tat on his back. We were sitting right by the bathrooms so when he came out I got his attention and asked to see the tat and he turned around. When he turned back around I was just instantly infatuated. He had a scrollwork type design on his face. He turned around, smirked, and said boo... he was wearing orange contacts. I proceeded to tell him how badass they were and then he was on his way... at this point I had a nagging feeling he was going to be one of the strippers... or every part of me wanted him to be.
I got hit on by and old lady, all up in my personal space. The girl bartender must've saw I was cold. I'd been watching her make drinks all night and next thing I know she was flagging me over pointing to a mug. She said it was for me and I asked her what it was... it was hot chocolate. I thanked her and huddled over the mud for a while. And after the strip show started... I couldn't honestly tell you the chain of events in order so I'll just tell you all the shit that happened. So we were sitting right up at the stage so all the guys generally came to our table first. One guy tried to pull Peter's sister up on stage and she wouldn't go and then the whole fucking table was pointing at me so he pulled me up on stage and sat me in his chair. Then he proceeded to stand in front of me to pull off his pants and the next thing I know he's crawled into my lap and has put my hands on him. I was mortified... he was very sweet tho. At some point one of the guys comes up and because the bar stools have rungs for your feet he climbed up in front of me and had his crotch in my face. I went to the bathroom at one point and when I came back out a lil gay guy at the bar stopped me and told me he loved my outfit and that I was hot. That did amazing things for my confidence. One of them came out wearing a cock ring and a bandana wrapped around his dick. He came over and literally flopped his junk on my leg and then when I turned away he put his ass against my side and was rubbing up on me. The little guy that I saw before the show came out for his first number and was wrapped in Christmas lights. He moved beautifully. He wasn't really handsy with people tho, but he was so my favorite. When it was over all the boys came out and were working the room. The boy I liked was dancing on a box as we left and I went over to him to give him another tip and tell him how pretty he was. When he bent down so he could hear me he kissed me on the cheek and thanked me. I think Apollos may be my new favorite place to be.
Adam Lambert
Dec. 20th, 2011 05:59 pmSo yeah, this is just to flail because I officially have a legal copy of Adam's new single Better Than I Know Myself. You don't know how in love I am with this song.
I also preordered his new album Trespassing, which is due out March 20th. It will actually come out while I'm still in Phoeniz so I'll have people to listen to it with who will be just as excited about it as I am. Yayyyyy!!!!
I'm a fangirl alright? So sue me.
Look at the awesome:
I also preordered his new album Trespassing, which is due out March 20th. It will actually come out while I'm still in Phoeniz so I'll have people to listen to it with who will be just as excited about it as I am. Yayyyyy!!!!
I'm a fangirl alright? So sue me.
Look at the awesome:

First and foremost, it's started. Posting for LBB is finally here. I'll be unlocking my LBB on Wednesday and I just can't wait to see the reactions of readers.
Now onto other things. Yesterday I spent a lot of time talking to my step aunt about the people I've met through fandom and all of the crazy events that led me to meeting Adam. During this conversation I got teared up several times. The kindness and friendship I've found in this fandom never ceases to amaze me.
This lead to all sorts of crazy dreams about meeting Adam again and being able to thank him again and really get across what I was trying to say last time without it coming out as a jumble of wordvomit. I also had several muddled dreams about finally getting a picture with Tommy. I got to meet him at my first GN show, but my camera flash wouldn't cooperate so I couldn't get a pic with him and at the Raleigh Adam came out to sign after instead of the band. I shoved the tiny woman behind me in front of me so she was at the barricade and Adam would sign for her. I told her I'd met him before the show and was just going to take pics when he came out.
Anyway... I think all this crazy roundabout stuff means that I'm hoping Adam does promo touring while I'm still in Arizona. Since LA is like six hours away I know I can get there if I can figure out a way to get tickets. I'm still a lil unsure how people get tickets when Adam's on shows like The Talk and Ellen.
The past two years have been the best in my life. Honestly it's funny to me how much Adam's music healed a lot of the grief I still carried around after losing my grandma at fifteen. And as corny as it sounds Adam literally gave music back to me. After my relationship with my husband ended I really closed off on music which is so unlike me, but he was in a band and there was so many lingering feelings of hate toward music because of him. Now you have to understand that up until that point music was like breathing to me. I can't sing, can't play an instrument, but if I had my way 99.9% of the time the TV would be off and music would be on. To lose that was like losing a part of my soul, so when Adam came rushing in like a tornado, I felt like I'd woke up from a nightmare.
These past two years have also granted me with amazing new friends. You guys know who you are and I want to thank each and every one of you for coming into my life. Through fandom I've gained so much more confidence in myself and each and every person who's every commented on my fic has had a hand in that.
There's so much more I want to say, but it's 7:30am and my stomach has other ideas of what I should be doing right now.
But as a closing I'm going to be a cheesy Adam fan and say to the fandom, thanks for loving me cause you guys are doing it perfectly.
Blah blah blah blah blah....
Dec. 17th, 2011 05:28 pmSo Thursday night
technicolornina and I went on a date. We went out to a Thai/Hawaiian something or another type place. It was nice... it was her birthday gift to me. I stayed the night with her and yesterday we went a little bit of everywhere. Best was Hot Topic... went through the clearance tee rack... so many Bieber/Gaga shirts... found only 3 Adam shirts... Nina bought one and I bought the other. I also found a really cute zebra print shirt at Ross.
Last night Nina brought me home because for whatever reason my body just hurt everywhere. Feeling better today but I spent most of the day in my PJs. Got up about two when my step aunt told me to put on some clothes we were going out. We went to a pizza place, some mall because I want to try and apply at Hot Topic, and to the grocery store.
Now though I'm sitting here listening to Adam. I listened to Better Than I Know Myself last night on repeat while I slept and I think it's left me in this crazy melancholy mood. I'm not looking for a serious relationship. Nina knows this. We've hung out, kissed a bit, but that's pretty much it thus far. Right now though... I'm totally terrified. I'm not sure what I'm doing and I'm really afraid I'm going to fuck this up or this isn't really going to be what I thought. I don't wanna ruin out friendship over me really being totally clueless. *sighs*
On a completely different note I should probably clue fandom friends who've been suggesting that I stay in AZ as to why I'm not. I told everyone I felt it was important that I have the discussion with Nina first and now that I have I can talk about the one thing I've really been wanting to talk about for a while. I'm going home in April because a friend of mine and I have decided we both want a kid, but not the complication of a relationship that comes with it. I've wanted to have a kid since I was really young and the older I get the more I'm convinced that if I wait for 'happily ever after' I'll never have a kid and I refuse to let the lack of a man stop me from that. So this friend and I have decided we're gonna give it a shot. He may or may not be sterile so that's going to lead to a whole other can of worms of finding a donor if worse comes to worse, but there it is. I respect the fact that a lot of people aren't going to be on board with this, to most of you I respect your opinions if you'd like to share them, but I don't see it changing my mind.
I wanted Phoenix to be my jump in and live time. I need to find a job so I can play like I want to, but I also need to let go of some of my inhibitions. I'm so scared of my own shadow. I need to give it a good kick and just get out there.
Alright... I'm sure none of this made much sense, but I'm tired and kind of overwhelmed atm.
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Last night Nina brought me home because for whatever reason my body just hurt everywhere. Feeling better today but I spent most of the day in my PJs. Got up about two when my step aunt told me to put on some clothes we were going out. We went to a pizza place, some mall because I want to try and apply at Hot Topic, and to the grocery store.
Now though I'm sitting here listening to Adam. I listened to Better Than I Know Myself last night on repeat while I slept and I think it's left me in this crazy melancholy mood. I'm not looking for a serious relationship. Nina knows this. We've hung out, kissed a bit, but that's pretty much it thus far. Right now though... I'm totally terrified. I'm not sure what I'm doing and I'm really afraid I'm going to fuck this up or this isn't really going to be what I thought. I don't wanna ruin out friendship over me really being totally clueless. *sighs*
On a completely different note I should probably clue fandom friends who've been suggesting that I stay in AZ as to why I'm not. I told everyone I felt it was important that I have the discussion with Nina first and now that I have I can talk about the one thing I've really been wanting to talk about for a while. I'm going home in April because a friend of mine and I have decided we both want a kid, but not the complication of a relationship that comes with it. I've wanted to have a kid since I was really young and the older I get the more I'm convinced that if I wait for 'happily ever after' I'll never have a kid and I refuse to let the lack of a man stop me from that. So this friend and I have decided we're gonna give it a shot. He may or may not be sterile so that's going to lead to a whole other can of worms of finding a donor if worse comes to worse, but there it is. I respect the fact that a lot of people aren't going to be on board with this, to most of you I respect your opinions if you'd like to share them, but I don't see it changing my mind.
I wanted Phoenix to be my jump in and live time. I need to find a job so I can play like I want to, but I also need to let go of some of my inhibitions. I'm so scared of my own shadow. I need to give it a good kick and just get out there.
Alright... I'm sure none of this made much sense, but I'm tired and kind of overwhelmed atm.
Hmm yeah...
Dec. 15th, 2011 07:59 amThe last couple of weeks have been some bizarre crazy let me tell you. December 1, I got to meet my niece Annabelle the first time. She was born November 17th. She is SOOOO precious omg seriously.

Saw her again on Saturday the third. Would've been my grandma's birthday. Was nice to hold a new life and not focus on one lost. Saturday my friend Michael came in to see me. He took a week off work so he'd get to see me before my flight. Had an amazing week with him. We went and saw Puss in Boots on the fifth and went to dinner before the movie. Proceeded to fuck with the waiter which was exceptionally entertaining to me.
The seventh was my 26th birthday. Best birthday in recent memory. Got a tattoo, and overall my family was pretty awesome minus all the crazy. On Thursday I went and saw Annabelle one more time before my trip. Guh, it kills me because she looks a lot like my brother so I could very literally pass that baby off as mine.


Michael left Sunday morning. Was sad to see him go. He made the week pass by unnoticed.
Yesterday I got up at 3am and flew from Charlotte to Dallas and Dallas to Phoenix. Long ass day but on the bright side I had a couple welcoming faces to greet me.
scorpio_15 and
technicolornina picked me up from the airport and proceeded to tell me about Adam's 12 hours until big news countdown. Ironically the single cover came out while we were at IHOP before Adam could tweet it. We all flailed like idiots at the table... our waiter seemed pretty high so I don't think he minded the table of shrieking women. It was a good time. The Scorp had to head home and Nina and I went back to her house. Twitter went boom and she and I crashed for a few hours because omg I was so fucking slap happy and tired I couldn't be properly excited about Adam making twitter go boom again. When we woke up we listened to the Better Than I Know Myself snippet. OMG seriously I still say it reminds me SOOOOO much of Daniel Bedingfield's If You're Not the One... I still don't really know why.
Nina and I went out to dinner with her parents. Was interesting. Not really sure what I thought of the place... I think I was too tired to really function at that point. Fucking hell insanely tired.
Then Nina drove me to my step dad's sister's house... and I proceeded to tweet and flail a lil before I went to sleep. Holy shit I was up at 5am...
Anyway, yeah that's my word vomit for now... I'm sorry for those of you who follow me for fanfic because for right now this LJ is going to be about my adventures in Arizona... but then again I'm unlocking my LBB soon so there will be porn.
Saw her again on Saturday the third. Would've been my grandma's birthday. Was nice to hold a new life and not focus on one lost. Saturday my friend Michael came in to see me. He took a week off work so he'd get to see me before my flight. Had an amazing week with him. We went and saw Puss in Boots on the fifth and went to dinner before the movie. Proceeded to fuck with the waiter which was exceptionally entertaining to me.
The seventh was my 26th birthday. Best birthday in recent memory. Got a tattoo, and overall my family was pretty awesome minus all the crazy. On Thursday I went and saw Annabelle one more time before my trip. Guh, it kills me because she looks a lot like my brother so I could very literally pass that baby off as mine.
Michael left Sunday morning. Was sad to see him go. He made the week pass by unnoticed.
Yesterday I got up at 3am and flew from Charlotte to Dallas and Dallas to Phoenix. Long ass day but on the bright side I had a couple welcoming faces to greet me.
![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
Nina and I went out to dinner with her parents. Was interesting. Not really sure what I thought of the place... I think I was too tired to really function at that point. Fucking hell insanely tired.
Then Nina drove me to my step dad's sister's house... and I proceeded to tweet and flail a lil before I went to sleep. Holy shit I was up at 5am...
Anyway, yeah that's my word vomit for now... I'm sorry for those of you who follow me for fanfic because for right now this LJ is going to be about my adventures in Arizona... but then again I'm unlocking my LBB soon so there will be porn.
Charity Water
Nov. 25th, 2011 01:39 pmHey guys,
My birthday is coming up and I figured I would make a Charity Water page for my 26th birthday and see what happens. If you'd like to throw in a couple bucks I'd appreciate it. The web addy is: http://mycharitywater.org/pyrobatz
XOXO,
Pyro
My birthday is coming up and I figured I would make a Charity Water page for my 26th birthday and see what happens. If you'd like to throw in a couple bucks I'd appreciate it. The web addy is: http://mycharitywater.org/pyrobatz
XOXO,
Pyro
Just when I get upset over the small things, life reminds me not to fret over them. I got up this morning about 9:10 and went about starting laundry, vacuuming, and washing dishes. While I was vacuuming my aunt called and I didn't hear the phone ring. Well when I finished up and finally settled down after making my breakfast I saw there was a new voicemail on the phone. I checked it and it was my aunt basically accusing me of being lazy because I didn't pick up the phone. She presumed I was still asleep I'm sure. I was pretty pissed off and was probably going to pick an argument when she got home.
So after breakfast I started working on the border of the granny square blanket from hell I've been working on for the past week. The phone rings and it's my neighbor. She's in her 80's and is like a grandma to me. Well, growing up one of her kids was my first crush when I was really little. I remember sitting in his lap and him playing with me. I just thought he was the prettiest thing. He's about ten or so years older than me. Well, they found out a lil while ago he had throat cancer and he's been doing chemo and all the doctors gave him a good prognosis. My neighbor called to tell me he passed away this morning. I feel like I've been kicked in the teeth. She said after his last round of chemo he got really dehydrated and hadn't ate. Apparently he'd gotten a bad infection. I'm just heartbroken. He was too young to be taken by such an awful thing. He didn't deserve to suffer like that. Let's just add another person on a growing list of people I cared about who was taken by it. I just don't even... I can't comprehend it.
After I talked to her I sat and cried while finishing up my crocheting. The blanket is done. I called the couple who wanted it and let them know the final total cost and emailed them some pics. If they decide not to buy it I'll find someone else to take it.
( Pics behind the cut... )
So after breakfast I started working on the border of the granny square blanket from hell I've been working on for the past week. The phone rings and it's my neighbor. She's in her 80's and is like a grandma to me. Well, growing up one of her kids was my first crush when I was really little. I remember sitting in his lap and him playing with me. I just thought he was the prettiest thing. He's about ten or so years older than me. Well, they found out a lil while ago he had throat cancer and he's been doing chemo and all the doctors gave him a good prognosis. My neighbor called to tell me he passed away this morning. I feel like I've been kicked in the teeth. She said after his last round of chemo he got really dehydrated and hadn't ate. Apparently he'd gotten a bad infection. I'm just heartbroken. He was too young to be taken by such an awful thing. He didn't deserve to suffer like that. Let's just add another person on a growing list of people I cared about who was taken by it. I just don't even... I can't comprehend it.
After I talked to her I sat and cried while finishing up my crocheting. The blanket is done. I called the couple who wanted it and let them know the final total cost and emailed them some pics. If they decide not to buy it I'll find someone else to take it.
( Pics behind the cut... )
I dunno I'm feeling oddly sad today. I busted out my Hanson Underneath Acoustic DVD. I don't know why I turn to Hanson when I'm sad. *shrugs* Yet another mystery.
I've got 20/25 granny squares done and connected for the blanket I've been crocheting. I have the last five center squares done and just have to add the second color. Once I get those done and connected I'll just need to add the border. I'll be so glad when it's done. SO GLAD. I just hope the people I'm making it for actually have the money to pay for it. I'll be using that money toward a tat I've wanted to get since 2009. Then I'll be down to finishing the never-ending granny square and the piece mom and I are working on.
On the bright side... I kinda sorta think I have a girlfriend... I use that term loosely because it terrifies me. Not for the reasons you might think. I've known in theory I was bi since I was like 12, but up until last September I'd never even kissed a girl. Well, once I did I figured out it was a lot more satisfying to me than kissing boys. Well, last September it was just one kiss and nothing more with this girl due to distance issues and general life getting in the way. So when I went to Arizona I met and ended up kissing a girl at a show I went to. We've kept in touch and I honestly am terrified. I mean I like her, but I've never been with a woman more than just a kiss and I feel like I'm in unknown territory just fumbling over myself. It's scary and exciting. I've told her I'm not looking for anything serious and I should define serious by saying I ended up living with both of my serious relationships. I've never really got to just date and hang out with someone. I want that with her. I want a chance to figure the fuck out what I'm doing without it becoming the co-dependent thing I tend to attract with men.
Anyway, I think that pretty much sums up my insanity for now. My sinuses are all out of whack so I think I'm gonna flop in front of the tv for a while.
I've got 20/25 granny squares done and connected for the blanket I've been crocheting. I have the last five center squares done and just have to add the second color. Once I get those done and connected I'll just need to add the border. I'll be so glad when it's done. SO GLAD. I just hope the people I'm making it for actually have the money to pay for it. I'll be using that money toward a tat I've wanted to get since 2009. Then I'll be down to finishing the never-ending granny square and the piece mom and I are working on.
On the bright side... I kinda sorta think I have a girlfriend... I use that term loosely because it terrifies me. Not for the reasons you might think. I've known in theory I was bi since I was like 12, but up until last September I'd never even kissed a girl. Well, once I did I figured out it was a lot more satisfying to me than kissing boys. Well, last September it was just one kiss and nothing more with this girl due to distance issues and general life getting in the way. So when I went to Arizona I met and ended up kissing a girl at a show I went to. We've kept in touch and I honestly am terrified. I mean I like her, but I've never been with a woman more than just a kiss and I feel like I'm in unknown territory just fumbling over myself. It's scary and exciting. I've told her I'm not looking for anything serious and I should define serious by saying I ended up living with both of my serious relationships. I've never really got to just date and hang out with someone. I want that with her. I want a chance to figure the fuck out what I'm doing without it becoming the co-dependent thing I tend to attract with men.
Anyway, I think that pretty much sums up my insanity for now. My sinuses are all out of whack so I think I'm gonna flop in front of the tv for a while.