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Blah blah blah blah blah....
So Thursday night ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
technicolornina and I went on a date. We went out to a Thai/Hawaiian something or another type place. It was nice... it was her birthday gift to me. I stayed the night with her and yesterday we went a little bit of everywhere. Best was Hot Topic... went through the clearance tee rack... so many Bieber/Gaga shirts... found only 3 Adam shirts... Nina bought one and I bought the other. I also found a really cute zebra print shirt at Ross.
Last night Nina brought me home because for whatever reason my body just hurt everywhere. Feeling better today but I spent most of the day in my PJs. Got up about two when my step aunt told me to put on some clothes we were going out. We went to a pizza place, some mall because I want to try and apply at Hot Topic, and to the grocery store.
Now though I'm sitting here listening to Adam. I listened to Better Than I Know Myself last night on repeat while I slept and I think it's left me in this crazy melancholy mood. I'm not looking for a serious relationship. Nina knows this. We've hung out, kissed a bit, but that's pretty much it thus far. Right now though... I'm totally terrified. I'm not sure what I'm doing and I'm really afraid I'm going to fuck this up or this isn't really going to be what I thought. I don't wanna ruin out friendship over me really being totally clueless. *sighs*
On a completely different note I should probably clue fandom friends who've been suggesting that I stay in AZ as to why I'm not. I told everyone I felt it was important that I have the discussion with Nina first and now that I have I can talk about the one thing I've really been wanting to talk about for a while. I'm going home in April because a friend of mine and I have decided we both want a kid, but not the complication of a relationship that comes with it. I've wanted to have a kid since I was really young and the older I get the more I'm convinced that if I wait for 'happily ever after' I'll never have a kid and I refuse to let the lack of a man stop me from that. So this friend and I have decided we're gonna give it a shot. He may or may not be sterile so that's going to lead to a whole other can of worms of finding a donor if worse comes to worse, but there it is. I respect the fact that a lot of people aren't going to be on board with this, to most of you I respect your opinions if you'd like to share them, but I don't see it changing my mind.
I wanted Phoenix to be my jump in and live time. I need to find a job so I can play like I want to, but I also need to let go of some of my inhibitions. I'm so scared of my own shadow. I need to give it a good kick and just get out there.
Alright... I'm sure none of this made much sense, but I'm tired and kind of overwhelmed atm.
technicolornina and I went on a date. We went out to a Thai/Hawaiian something or another type place. It was nice... it was her birthday gift to me. I stayed the night with her and yesterday we went a little bit of everywhere. Best was Hot Topic... went through the clearance tee rack... so many Bieber/Gaga shirts... found only 3 Adam shirts... Nina bought one and I bought the other. I also found a really cute zebra print shirt at Ross.Last night Nina brought me home because for whatever reason my body just hurt everywhere. Feeling better today but I spent most of the day in my PJs. Got up about two when my step aunt told me to put on some clothes we were going out. We went to a pizza place, some mall because I want to try and apply at Hot Topic, and to the grocery store.
Now though I'm sitting here listening to Adam. I listened to Better Than I Know Myself last night on repeat while I slept and I think it's left me in this crazy melancholy mood. I'm not looking for a serious relationship. Nina knows this. We've hung out, kissed a bit, but that's pretty much it thus far. Right now though... I'm totally terrified. I'm not sure what I'm doing and I'm really afraid I'm going to fuck this up or this isn't really going to be what I thought. I don't wanna ruin out friendship over me really being totally clueless. *sighs*
On a completely different note I should probably clue fandom friends who've been suggesting that I stay in AZ as to why I'm not. I told everyone I felt it was important that I have the discussion with Nina first and now that I have I can talk about the one thing I've really been wanting to talk about for a while. I'm going home in April because a friend of mine and I have decided we both want a kid, but not the complication of a relationship that comes with it. I've wanted to have a kid since I was really young and the older I get the more I'm convinced that if I wait for 'happily ever after' I'll never have a kid and I refuse to let the lack of a man stop me from that. So this friend and I have decided we're gonna give it a shot. He may or may not be sterile so that's going to lead to a whole other can of worms of finding a donor if worse comes to worse, but there it is. I respect the fact that a lot of people aren't going to be on board with this, to most of you I respect your opinions if you'd like to share them, but I don't see it changing my mind.
I wanted Phoenix to be my jump in and live time. I need to find a job so I can play like I want to, but I also need to let go of some of my inhibitions. I'm so scared of my own shadow. I need to give it a good kick and just get out there.
Alright... I'm sure none of this made much sense, but I'm tired and kind of overwhelmed atm.