Losing It

Dec. 10th, 2012 02:38 pm
pyrosgf: (Adam Taking a Hit)
[personal profile] pyrosgf
Title: Losing It
Author: pyrosgf
Pairing: Adam/Tommy (breakup)
Wordcount: 441
Rating: R
Warnings: Anorexia, Eating Disorder
Disclaimer: All a figment of my overactive imagination, names and likenesses used but not meant to portray the actual lives of subjects mentioned
Summary: Just a short drabble about Adam slipping into an eating disorder. It's implied that it starts after a breakup with Tommy. I've just been thinking about writing Adam with an eating disorder and if I do anything longer than a drabble it will never be finished.



It's nothing in the beginning, really. Adam doesn't think anything of it. Not thinking is kind of what led him to it. Remembering trivial things has never been Adam's strong suit, and somewhere along the way eating becomes one of those trivial things.

Then it morphs into something else, a little less forgetful and a little more intentional. Adam becomes fascinated with the way his body weight dips lower each time he hits the scales. With each passing week it escalates and now he is down to counting every single miniscule calorie he puts in his mouth. It's madness, but it feels good, right, when he can run his fingertips down his ribs and feel the distinct protrusion of each one.

Then somehow that's not enough. Sometimes he goes three days living on nothing but water. He realizes quickly that bloating isn't worth the hydration. The way his normally tight clothing sags on his body is worth the light headedness from not ingesting anything at all.

Adam knows somewhere deep inside that it will all come to a head. He just didn't seen it coming quite like this. The lights in the room are bright and the biting scent of antiseptic crawls around in his nostrils letting him know before his eyes even focus where he's at. When his vision clears Tommy is the first thing he sees. Tommy's face, eyes dark and too wide, shadowed with worry. By the looks of the circles beneath them Tommy hasn't slept and for the first time Adam feels a pang of guilt, not for his eating habits, but for keeping Tommy from his life.

“You said you would take care of yourself,” Tommy mutters, but the words are empty and without the anger Adam expected.

“You said you would never leave,” Adam manages to reply, his voice thin like paper. He tries to clear his throat and coughs. Before he knows it Tommy presses a cup of water in his hand. He sips just enough to dial down the cotton mouth. “Looks like neither of us kept up our end of the deal, did we?” Adam doesn't mean it to sound as harsh as it does.

Adam isn't surprised when Tommy turns without a word and walks out of the hospital. Nor is Adam surprised at the idea that as soon as they release him things will go back to the way they were. The thought is bleak and his heart breaks a little more with the realization. Even Tommy can't deal with this mess, and if Tommy won't stand by him, Adam knows the end will come before anyone can stop him.
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